To Tell or Not to Tell


         The most attractive thing about an elopement is the secrecy surrounding it.  Those in the know feel obliged to help you stick to your guns and those most likely to try to talk you out of it or to invite themselves to your very private and secret celebration are almost always unaware.

You’ve told your zip-lipped sister about it, who’s bound to keep the secret locked, who, by the way, may not be at all happy to be put in that position.  Of course everyone will feel slighted, but then again that is the point and need for an elopement.  The surprise element is what differentiates an elopement from a wedding.  So, if you see elopement in the cards, you better keep that info under wraps.


Sometimes, when you are engaged, the stress of planning the wedding and the slights and the fights can have you dreaming about just chucking it all and getting hitched quietly.  It may however also make you feel guilty and you may wonder what your ethical obligations are under such circumstances.  The offended parties with shattered egos do not bind you to disclose your plans to make a runner, however if the wedding is in works and people are committing money and resources to attend, it may be only fair to let them know that the event isn’t going to happen.  The question is when should you feel obligated to tell or not tell people about your plan to elope.  Here are some simple guidelines:

  • If you're in the early or middle of planning and any monies spent have been your own, you needn't disclose.

  • If you're in the early or middle of planning and a small investment of money not your own has been made but can easily be refunded or repaid, you needn't disclose.

  • If you plan to simply precede the wedding with a private elopement rather than replace it, you needn't disclose.

However, as we stated above that if the invitations have gone out and people planning to attend, have invested money sum to buy tickets and book hotel rooms, it’s only fair to forewarn them without making any committed statements about the state of affairs of your wedding.

Before you begin to travel for the secret blessed day, there may be inquiries from friends or loved ones about what they might have snuffed out is going to happen, be sure that ethically you are not under no obligation to share any more details other than your plan to go vacation.

Happy Hitching!

Gabriela Cobian